“In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I bought myself three umbrellas.”
Thus began my confession to Lily about the shamefully spendthrift behavior I’ve fallen into of late. I’ve always been a terrible cheapskate when it comes to personal purchases. I just don’t see the point in buying expensive clothing, makeup, or personal products when I can find comparable items for less elsewhere.
Don’t get me wrong, I know how to spend money. I just hate dropping a lot of cash unless I know that whatever I’m buying is worth it. This leads to problems with wardrobe and other personal items, as you can imagine. I’ll wear a favorite article of clothing until it’s in tatters, I’ll use a beloved pair of sneakers until they have holes. Last year I had to have the straps on my black purse repaired because the leather finally gave out. I couldn’t bear the thought of looking for a new one, because I’m terribly picky.
All of which only makes my present behavior all the more puzzling—although it has a strange kind of logic. I’m just tired of having to go on an epic search for a new coat/wallet/purse once my current favorite has bitten the dust, especially when I happened upon something last month that I would’ve liked but didn’t buy because I “didn’t need it”. I would blame Paris for turning into a mild shopaholic but I suspect the change of attitude has been longer in the making.
Strangely, I’ve been attracted to bright colors lately, and it reminds me of high school, when orange was a regular part of my wardrobe. Maybe it’s all the black that everyone wears in Paris, maybe I’m recapturing that feeling of optimism that I had eight years ago, I don’t know. I’m just tired of feeling like an old woman, which is why I felt I needed a yellow sunflower umbrella in my life (in addition to the purple one with ruffled trim and the clear plastic bubble umbrella I’ve wanted since I was a kid). I’m kind of sick of being practical. I’m always practical, and it’s terribly boring. I have the rest of my life to be boring—for now, in my last three months in Paris, I’m damn well going to be silly and have fun. And I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I promise myself I will bring this feeling back home with me.