Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Shopaholic, or: Relearning Optimism

“In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I bought myself three umbrellas.”

Thus began my confession to Lily about the shamefully spendthrift behavior I’ve fallen into of late. I’ve always been a terrible cheapskate when it comes to personal purchases. I just don’t see the point in buying expensive clothing, makeup, or personal products when I can find comparable items for less elsewhere.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how to spend money. I just hate dropping a lot of cash unless I know that whatever I’m buying is worth it. This leads to problems with wardrobe and other personal items, as you can imagine. I’ll wear a favorite article of clothing until it’s in tatters, I’ll use a beloved pair of sneakers until they have holes. Last year I had to have the straps on my black purse repaired because the leather finally gave out. I couldn’t bear the thought of looking for a new one, because I’m terribly picky.

All of which only makes my present behavior all the more puzzling—although it has a strange kind of logic. I’m just tired of having to go on an epic search for a new coat/wallet/purse once my current favorite has bitten the dust, especially when I happened upon something last month that I would’ve liked but didn’t buy because I “didn’t need it”. I would blame Paris for turning into a mild shopaholic but I suspect the change of attitude has been longer in the making.

Strangely, I’ve been attracted to bright colors lately, and it reminds me of high school, when orange was a regular part of my wardrobe. Maybe it’s all the black that everyone wears in Paris, maybe I’m recapturing that feeling of optimism that I had eight years ago, I don’t know. I’m just tired of feeling like an old woman, which is why I felt I needed a yellow sunflower umbrella in my life (in addition to the purple one with ruffled trim and the clear plastic bubble umbrella I’ve wanted since I was a kid). I’m kind of sick of being practical. I’m always practical, and it’s terribly boring. I have the rest of my life to be boring—for now, in my last three months in Paris, I’m damn well going to be silly and have fun. And I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I promise myself I will bring this feeling back home with me.


  1. Yeaaaa!!! That was a happy entry. Good to hear you're letting your hair down, un-bunching your panties and pulling the stick out... I'm kidding, I'M KIDDING! In all seriousness, I'm happy you're happy. But don't have tooo much fun. Seriously... go to school.

  2. You must be the one person in the world who looks good in orange.

    Does this mean you're finally going to get the books I recommend to you? And I mean more than just the one author I had to bug you for months to read :P